Remembering

Just over two years ago, I was regularly climbing, and was in the process of finding my hiking legs. Life was good, and I was creating my own adventures. Then everything came crashing down. I suddenly got a herniated disc in my lumbar spine, which rendered me barely capable of tying my own shoes, let alone do any activity more demanding than a careful walk. And so began a long journey of recovery, filled with both feelings of loss and hopelessness, but also joy and finally empowerment. 

For a long time I feared my life was permanently changed and that I would never be able to do any physical activity again. I though that I'd never be able to live out all the things I've wanted to for years, whether that be thru-hiking, climbing, ascending mountains, or even trying out skydiving. I spent long hours researching back injuries, going to physical therapy, and desperately trying to trust the process even when it seemed nothing was happening. I stayed home when friends and family went out, I sat there desperately wishing to be able to move freely again, to be able to lift more than 4kg without pain, and just dreaming of being free of the bodily limitations that had suddenly been imposed on me.

And little by little, things did change. Small, subtle changes at first, one day I could reach my knees without pain, some weeks later I could reach my toes. I could carry more weight and was religiously doing the strength exercises that my physical therapist had given me. I became stronger again, then I crashed and had setbacks where I would once more struggle to tie my shoes. I lost faith, I kept going anyway, and many months later I was finally able to start biking to work again. I could move but could not tolerate any sudden impacts, which meant climbing was still out of the question. But I started going for walks every day, and some months later I was able to start running. And finally, I was able to start climbing again. Life went back to normal, but something had changed all the same.

Living through an experience where you feel imprisoned by your body, is very likely to have a permanent effect on your mind. For me, it meant re-evaluating my priorities. It sent me down a path of hard work and regularly pushing my limits, sometimes for what felt like minimal gain. It sent me down a path where I have started making better dietary choices, where I choose to exercise several times a week, and where I constantly seek to keep pushing my limits and not let fear stop me from living before it's too late. It's crazy how much life can change. I used to spend long evenings at home after work, tired and bored, watching shows on tv that did not even catch my interest, while waiting for the hours to creep by. These days I just figure that time will pass either way, but I'd rather do what I can to spend it in ways that help me realize my goals and that help me grow.

All of this has lead to me creating this blog. I've found that there are so many moments I have wanted to savour and be able to look back on, but which have become all but fleeting memories. This blog is really just an outlet to help myself remember all the little details that might otherwise get lost to time. Time will pass whether I sit here waiting, or choose to do something with it. And I choose to fill it to the max with all the things that are important to me. No more waiting.